Understanding the Emotional World of Teenagers.
By Troy L Parrish
Understanding the world of today's teenager often requires one to set aside his preconceived beliefs about teens and the world in which they live. Adolescences describes in large the period of time between childhood and adulthood. This term in its root definition mean becoming and that is exactly what adolescence is. It is the process of a child becoming an adult and the numerous developments and tasks associated with this process.
The mark of what it is to be an adult is also important to define in the discussion of adolescence. While it is fairly easy to understand what is meant by the word "child", the concept of being and adult is not as clear. Of course there are legal definitions of adulthood, which in the United States is the age of 18 for some things, the age of 21 for other things. But undoubtedly there are some individuals who are far closer to being an adult at the age of 16 than others may be at the age of 25. We define adulthood in terms of behavior and responsibility just as much as we do age. The ability for an individual to assume full responsibility for himself both in regard to his behavior and the consequences of that behavior as well as being ready to provide for himself materially are key markers for the assumption of the title "adult." It is this definition of adulthood that most parents are attempt to steer their children towards.
Adolescence is a relatively new concept in our understanding of human development. Prior to the turn of the 20th century, there really was no recognized separate stage of life known as adolescence. There may be several reasons for this change in the thinking about teens. The advent of the industrial age has moved families away from the agrarian lifestyle and the close knit family and community units that an agrarian lifestyle fosters. With this transition, families and communities are not as tightly connected and the opportunity for children in the teen years to coalesce together to form their own community grows. The second potential reason for this change in thinking about adolescence is the growth in psychology and interest in the social science of human development. With the advent of psychology in the late 1800s there has continued to be a growing acceptance and embracing of psychology and its tenets. Whatever the cause of this change, the concept of adolescence is deeply entrenched in our beliefs about human development.
One other factor of note concerning this period of development that is of significance is the period of time that is defined as adolescence. At the turn of the century, the average age for the onset of puberty was roughly 14 and people were typically ready to enter into the adult world at time as early as 16 but most by the age of 18 or 19. This makes for an adolescent period of 2 to 5 years. In contrast, children today enter puberty at the age of 11 or 12 and are not ready to enter full adulthood until age 22 or 25 or maybe even a little later. This makes for a period of 10 to 15 years of life, roughly three times longer than it was a century ago. The primary reason for this extension of this period of life is the protracted period of time that it takes to prepare oneself for financial independence. Add to this preparation period a reluctance to give up the imbalance between adult privileges and child like responsibilities there is a growing body of young adults reluctant to leave home.
This prolonged period of adolescence creates potentials for complications that were not present when adolescence was studied. There is now frequently recognized three distinct periods in adolescence. The early period which covers the age of onset of puberty to about age 13, middle adolescence which spans age 13 to about age 16 or 17 and late adolescence which spans age 17 to adulthood. It is during the middle adolescent period that the tensions in teen adult relationships seem to rise to their greatest level. Due to significant cognitive development as a result of amazing growth in brain size and capacity, teens in this period of life are developing the ability to think in abstract terms. This is in contrast to the black and white thinking that characterizes childhood. With the ability to think abstractly comes the ability to challenge and questions beliefs, rules and establishments that had up to this point been accepted without question. This growth and change results in children who become more introspective as well as self absorbed as they begin the process of establishing their own unique identity.
One of the most striking things that the research referenced at the beginning of this article found was the profound sense of isolation and loneliness that teens expressed. Despite being involved in good families without significant problems and having a reasonable amount of friends teens in the study universally expressed feelings of loneliness. The researcher noted that it was this loneliness that drove the adolescent desire for belonging, loyalty and relational safety, and that teens often turn to the world of their peers to meet these emotional needs. The world of an adolescent often consists of the world that we as adults see and teens often perform well in that world. The other aspect of their world is described by our society as teen culture and it often runs deeper than most adults suspect. This world has its own set of norms and relational rules as well as pitfalls that leave teens feeling hurt and vulnerable as well as isolated. While this subculture at times can be full of all the dangers we as adults can imagine, it often is simply a subculture that runs under the surface of the day to day world of teens.
It is this sense of isolation and loneliness that was most striking when teens were observed during the research project. Teens often felt abandoned by the adults they once believed were looking out for them, instead they had the impression that the adults were simply looking out for themselves. Despite having good friendships these teens still felt isolation and loneliness. This pervasive feeling of loneliness was not readily explainable, but it may be partially driven by the process that is adolescence. The task of becoming independent in identity is really the primary task being undertaken in this middle adolescent period. This puts the once child into a position of being separate from everyone around him in a way that he has never felt before. The sense of isolation may also be explained partially by the move that parents make away from their maturing children, possibly due to being overly busy with real demands, uncertainty in how to respond to their changing child or a mixture of both. Regardless of the reason, middle adolescence is undoubtedly a period marked with anxiety and uncertainty and explains why these children seek assurance and acceptance and in many ways become needier emotionally than children several years younger than themselves.
It is important for parents to recognize that the task is one of becoming separate in identity, to have a concept of self that is apart from those around one's self. It is not simply a task of being separate from one's parents. In fact, most research shows that teens enjoy their relationship with their parents and desire time with and attention from their parents. Anyone who has spent those late night, early morning hours discussing issues with their teens will recognize the value teens place on the relationship but at the same time are working out their own sense of self. While the job of staying connected to your teen can be frustrating and exhausting, your adolescent desires to maintain a good relationship with you. If you find that your teen is becoming overly rebellious or is misbehaving in ways that are highly uncharacteristic of him, check your relationship with him. Research suggests that there may be a connection between rebellious behavior and a relationship with parents who are dismissive of their teens or who are avoidant of interaction and conflict. In contrast, teens who are suffering with depression and anxiety may be struggling with a relationship with parents who are preoccupied or where they are ambivalent in their relationship with their child. Solid involvement in their life and maintaining a healthy emotional connection will allow you as a parent to continue to be an influential guide for your child through this period of life. Interestingly, several studies have shown that teens that consistently have dinner with their parents have far fewer behavioral problems that teens that do not have dinner with their parents. The time we spend talking with them, getting to know them as they grow and change and staying involved can make this a much easier period of life for both you and them.