Encouraging Spirituality in Boys.
By Troy L Parrish.

As parents we are concerned about the development of boys. Last month the featured article focused on character development. This article will look at an equally important aspect of our sons' development, that of his spirituality. I a world that is increasingly unpredictable and cynical, giving our children the grounding of a solid faith is as important as ever, but the cynical nature that we face in our world can make this task more challenging. Sprirituality, the focus on and incorporation of things spritual has been unders systematic attack for at least half a century. Despite this, there is still a strong desire that young people demonstrate for meaning beyond what they can see in the physical world around them. They desire something that transcends the temporal that provides a foundation.

Unfortunately, studies show that there is a significant departure from the church. This departure happens largely during the adolescent period and most of the individuals that leave the church will be boys. It is not unusual to go into a church and find that the majority of the individuals involved in the church in significant ways are women. Just as frequent, you will find that many of men in the church are there out of obligation or because their wives or girlfriends want them to be in church. This is a sad comentary on the spiritual condition of men who in reality should be leading the way in spirtual matters and have a heart for God. How do we capture our young men for God in a way that keeps them on that path?

A recent survey concerning boys and spirituality sheds some light on this very question. The authors of the study noted that many of the characteristics that are described as being Christian are also frequently associated with the feminine in society. Characterisics such as tenderness, compassion, caring, love and forgiveness are undoubtably characteristics associated with Christianity and Christ. But our cultures often see these qualities as belonging to girls and women. The authors of the studies suggested that this may serve to alienate boys from Christianity and sprituality. This would make sense as boys become teens, the notion of being masculine and manly becomes an important part of their self identity. If Christianity and Christ is seen as soft, tender and weak boys are going to have a reluctance to identify with Him.

To compound the problem, if men are not an active part of faith in the family and in the Christian community, as boys seek to become men, they are going to adopt the attitudes of the men they know. They will see faith as something to put on when Sunday arrives but not something that needs to be truly owned and lived out in a daily fashion. If the men he knows want little or nothing to do with faith, he will begin to resist the efforts that mom is making to get him to continue to participate in church and activities of the faith. He is going to want to be doing what appeals to him, just like the men around him do while the women go off to church.

The ramifications of this exodus from the faith community by males is significant. Research shows that males who have a personal ownership of their faith are less likely to become invovled in drugs or alcohol, violence and other criminal activity and illicit sex. When you take this young man with a solid faith in a home with strong ties, you really begin to insulate him from that list of ills. Unquestionably, preventing males from becoming invovled in these activities will benefit society greatly. Over 80% of crime is committed by males and males make up the overwhelming percentage of prison inmates. Most referrals in schools for disruptive behavior is for boys.

So, how can you encourage spirtuality in your son?

1. Start early. You will notice that your son at an early age is easily engaged in spiritual things. Bible stories and going to church are welcome activities for little boys. But do not be lulled into a false sense of security. Many parents have been surprised when there God loving young boy turns into a self centered teen who has little interest in things of the faith. You must be purposefully helping your son understand the singnificance of faith in Christ.

2. As your son approaches his teen years, the presentation of Christianity and Christ in masculine terms can be very powerful. Terms such as leadership, strength of character, honor, dignity, courage, fortitude and determination can be easily ascribed Godly men and the Christian faith. Demonstrating to your boy these qualities in the stories of the Bible can go a long way towards helping him see Christianity as a masculine endevour.

3. As your son enters his teen years, challenge him concerning his committment to his faith. Don't assume that because he professed Christ as his savior at age four or seven that he is a genuine Christian. Hebrew tradition made a child a son of the Law at the age of 13. This represents an age of reckoning with one's tranformation from child to adult. It is well known that children will adopt the beliefs of parents until the adolescent period. At that time they are undegoing the change from being extensions of their parents to being their own persons. Your son needs to be challenged to own his faith for himself, does he really want his life to governed by the principles of faith that you have taught him? Raising A Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis is an excellent resource for the process of moving a boy from being under your tutalege to his own faith.

4. Dads, if you are not being the spiritual head of your home and you give the spirtual lip service, expect your son to embrace your attitude as well. If you want your son to be a Godly man, you must be one also.

5. If you are a single mom, you can demonstrate to your son Godly examples of men of courage, strength, and action such as Martin Luther, John Newton, William Wilberforce and others that demonstrate that men can be committed Christians and very masculine at the same time. It is best that this be done before they reach their teen years in order for them to incorporate such individuals into their picture of manhood. If you wait until they are teens they will see such efforts as mearly attempts to control and change them.

6. Be judicious in what you allow your sons to be invovled in, what they watch and who they play with. While this is often criticized as being overcontrolling and unrealistic the things that enter into our children's lives influence what they think. While we cannot control every aspect, doing our best to protect our children from undue influences is an important responsiblity.

7. Pray for your child. The fervent prayers of a righteous man availeth much!